100 Words Per Mile: Masturbation Is Part of the Job

42. 27. 20. 4.

September 24, 2020
4.59 miles
34:31

The extraction is done! A few days ago, my wife and I woke up very early, drove to the hospital, and got started on the actual baby-making procedure. Less than 10 minutes after our arrival, they called her back, and a few minutes after it was my turn.

My wife was in a lot of discomfort that morning. She’d begun cramping pretty heavily the night before and by the time she was taken back, she was starting to feel some real pain. Couple that with the anxiety we were both feeling about the whole thing, and it’s easy to image the kind of rugged flips her abdomen was performing on an empty stomach.

I appreciate the candid professionalism of the nurses who bring me back when it’s time to collect my sample. For one, they never smile (though they are wearing masks, so it’s possible they could be smiling, but you can usually tell by someone’s eyes whether they are smiling or not) and they never stumble with their delivery. Not that I would be embarrassed. Masturbation is a tenant of life, and it would be impossible to make doing so in a sanctioned room a negative experience. I’m supposed to remain three-to-four days abstinent before the procedure. You don’t have to convince a man to relieve himself in that particular situation. I’ve also done this a handful (hah!) of times already.

What was remarkable about this particular time was how COVID-19 impacted the semen collection experience. What used to be a drawer full of pornographic magazines and DVDs—a separate note, does anyone not use their phone in this case?—was not just a narrow selection of two DVDs with titles I will not repeat in this document. I didn’t use either. I don’t tend to use my phone either. It only takes a couple days of buildup to make a man’s imagination as effective as anything else. Below is a detailed look at my go-to sexual fantasy masturbation material …